Minilogue - December 2004
The Greatest Gift
By the Rev. Bruce Johnson
The greatest gift that anyone can give is to be fully present to another person, in an attitude of openness and trust.
It is wonderful to be in the presence of a self-giving person, and it is also deeply satisfying to give of oneself in that way. In all specific instances of genuine giving, it seems to me, we are attentive to the other person with their unique needs and desires, and we show ourselves as we really are, with our particular gifts and vulnerabilities.
The fact is, we aren't very often truly present to one another in this way. Instead, we are -- in T.S. Eliot's words -- "distracted from distraction by distraction." It is especially easy at this time of year to be caught up in the rush and busyness of the season. Being present therefore requires some extra effort, some spiritual discipline. Everything seems to conspire against the simplicity of just being present. And yet that is what we all yearn for.
Being present means more than being in close physical proximity. Genuine presence requires attentiveness, availability and energy.
When I was a child, I sometimes got a toy for Christmas, packed in a box with a message that read: "batteries not included." If the person who had bought the toy had not also thought to purchase the necessary batteries, it wasn't much fun. Sure, I could hold the toy in my hands, but something was missing! Relationships can be like that, too. We can be physically close, but in a listless, disconnected way. Being present implies a certain quality of energy, and that requires being "plugged in" to some personal energy source that provides "juice." So the first step in giving is to identify and open yourself to the sources that nourish and sustain you, so that your own cup overflows toward the world and toward other people. Our Unitarian Universalist Principles speak of "a renewal of the spirit and an openness to the forces which create and uphold life." To open and nurture your own soul in this way is not a selfish gesture--on the contrary, it is the necessary prerequisite to any real giving of your self.
I don't know if it is more blessed to give than to receive--I do know that in order to give, one must first be open to receiving. As we become more open in both directions, we begin to embody and express the spirit of generosity.
A wise person once gave me some good advice: "You should never give a gift you can't afford to give." In other words, if you give of yourself without that sense of connection to your own deep wellsprings, you.ll soon exhaust your resources, and begin to feel resentful, depressed, and cynical about the very possibility of self-giving generosity. This teacher wasn't suggesting that I become stingy, that I close myself off from others, but rather that I offer my gifts from a place of overflowing generosity, rather than as a desperate attempt to purchase affection and love. Seek first that which has already been given to you, and then extend your self; reach out from that place, which can never be exhausted. This holiday season, offer the gift of your personal presence.